That awkward moment when...

Someone you used to be close to randomly deletes you from Facebook. It stings a bit.

Ummm yeah I remember when...

I wrote good shit.

Finally Human.

I think I have finally regained that feeling of being human.
Opposed to the feeling of robotic reactions to interactions.
Excited about the future, and nervous about the traction.
Hoping to find the final piece of mind to complete mine.

F is for Friend

Some friends are there for you thick and thin
Others are there for you like a cheap trick for grins-11-18-10

growth.

regret.

Trying not to think about her

Drowning my thoughts in dark liquor

But it’s hard not to wonder if love heals the heart quicker

And if it does I want no part; I like being broken hearted

Because loneliness makes me see the beauty in where we started

How is it, no matter where I go, you seem to follow?

Catching me unexpected, memories hard to swallow

Smile etched upon your lips, behind it hides a frown

The same face that I make when whenever you come around

I’d rather feel awkward then feel alone

Remember the flowers when I left you when you were still at home?

Of course you do, they won’t let you forget

Real Emotion Grown Rapidly Earnest & True
                          regret.

Collapse.

The situation in which people are usually at their most attractive and interesting shortly before a total personality collapse.

- Douglas Coupland - Player One, Pg.221

Dancing with a Devil in a Tight Dress

Dancing with lust is like playing with fire
You will be burned alive by your own desire

Confession #6

boXed in.

I feel entrapped in, this world we are wrapped in
Placed in a box, I can't leave but they can enter
I can hear my inner voice clapping
While a chorus of boos is just my depression's reaction
To the positive fashion of which my ego has fastened
He envies my happiness, says it is not happening
But from nightmares I wake up to dreams
And from night terrors I wake up to screams
What does this all mean?
If life is but a dream, I'm on shits creek without a paddle
But I don't focus on energy on things beyond my control
I just keep moving forward, you just have to let them go
To all the friends I have lost, your true colors were starting to show
You can throw dirt on a diamond but in the right light it is gunna glow

Missing Hearts

It's hard to find the pulse of a heartbeat when your whole heart is missing.
You have wholeheartedly searched for it many times in the faces of possible flames that were always quickly extinguished without hesitation.
While you enjoy playing with fire, no fires have set a blaze the candle inside your esophagus.
Her soft lips are the gateway to conversation and possibly a soft kiss.
She holds your heart in her palms halfheartedly and deservingly so.
You once broke into her heart even though she would have given you the key.
Then you made the mistake to run and leave like a coward; when your approval meant most.
To be fair, your judgment had been victim of gossip from the glossed lips of the guilty third parties in question.
To follow one's mind in area of affairs was an error when surely you must have known this was a matter of two hearts.
When two hearts break, tears leave the eyes of angelic faces.
When two hearts break, the stars are no longer in alignment.
When two hearts break, Cupid is responsible cleaning up the pieces.
When two hearts are truly meant to be side by side like a locket as one; they will continue looking for the missing half, even after the aftermath of love forced trauma.
Is it only after the heart breaks that then the heart is capable of finding another mate to mend it back together.

Simple Life.

When ever did life become so simple?
Wondering about partying. 
Social scenes I was never in before I am starring in.
Hopeless scenes surrounding the lead actor as the film rolls.
The price we pay for happiness sometimes has it's grim toll.
And my thin soul, is etching out emotions as if were a pencil.
Numbness mutes the thought behind every detail.
My only escape can be purchased through every retail.
Searching for love, I only I mean well with every female.
I have never regretted anything I've done, just what I haven't.
And the faces reflecting in my eyes could be in beauty pageants.
But their looks are deceiving just like some mannequins.
Morality questions if I'll join the dark side like Anakin.
They tell me that I can't win.
I am my only friend.
Life is but a dream, when I wake up does it end?

beautiful face.

Who would have known such a beautiful face could cause such misery?
Memories, memories, surprised that you still remember me
No verbal communication but your eyes they say enough
Furtive lips frown through smiles, pain don't it let it show
Feelings found abandoned in the crevice of a broken heart
Planted like a seed as a reminder that love still exists
Somewhere inside behind a wall of security, insecurities
Temptations, lust, and lies
Life becomes so superficial
What ever happened to conversations about nothingness?
Remembering every detail, 
Phone rings,
Your voice,
Soothing, but I can't breathe well
Lone dreams,
Your face,
So sweet, but I can't sleep well
Who would have ever thought seeing you look so lovely would be hell?

Kansas City Robbery

"How are you?"-X
"Twenty"-Me
"I had a grand son that was 23. He was just shot and robbed in Kansas City. The thing is, he would still be alive if he hadn't decided to run his mouth"-X
"I'm sorry for your loss"-Me

controversial.

"I can be extreme and controversial, and if you're not doing that, what are you doing"-Diplo

Power of Positive Thinking

"Your life is but a reflection of the predominance of your thoughts.”

I can't stress the truth in this seemly absurd idea.
The universe seems willing to grants you your wants and your misery.
This has been extremely prevalent in my life during the past week.
The key is focusing on what you desire,
Blocking out the seeds of doubt and negative thoughts.
If you let your mind trouble you, you will become more troubled.
But if you let your mind relieve your burdens, your luck will be doubled.

Room Full of Rumors

Wandering through a building full of rumors with no walls.

Hands in the shape of an M's & L's .

Ears burning from the deafening judgement.

Do you know what it's like to have been through hell?

The jury of peers piercing gaze ruptures his composure.

Has him off foot, stumbling for his words.

The truth is irrelevant. The audience wants a story.

The spotlight shines with the intensity of a lone moon .

Green stares followed by elevator handshakes.

Mean glares followed by marred remarks.

The truth is irrelevant. The audience wants a story.

Jealously is prevalent. Non fiction is boring.

Awaiting trial he sweats profusely as if a camel herder.

He has experienced mental anguish far beyond his years.

This 'crime' was merely a rebirth of life.

But, the stones shatter the mirrors of the accusers.

The audience wants a story.

Doing no wrong, he enters a guilty plea,

The judge knocks and agrees,

He is guilty.

The truth is irrelevant.

He is guilty.

The truth is irrelevant.

He is guilty.

The truth is irrelevant.

He is guilty, of being

ME

Live in the Moment

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. -Buddha

Her Lips.

Taste of her lips still inside the pocket of my check

Hints of nicotine and saliva
Imprint of her fingertips on my torso
Her kisses embed in my lips as a signature
Porcelain skin with an angelic glow 
Written on her ribs in starless letters
"what you run away from, only stays with you longer"

Shadows

Mirror reflects distant strangers
I expect the latter would be used to anger
But the other perceives it as useless anger   
I use this anger and hold it, mold it
Into something beautiful
The wrath simmers like bacon on a stove top
Until the grease off the stove, pop! 


I'm told my soul ought to behave 
My shadow is off on it's own, a young rebel 
So when I go for a run it's ahead of me
He is imitating my persona
Together as one, but now he is there instead of me
The hijacking of identity, vehemently 
My featureless reflection guiding me into new directions 
So when he speaks there is no consequence
And when I speak there is no common sense
Shadows don't feel, they don't revel
Shadows merely act upon one's will
I've become a shadow, so I'm most real 
When my eyes hear R.E.M.
When I awake here we go again...