growth.

regret.

Trying not to think about her

Drowning my thoughts in dark liquor

But it’s hard not to wonder if love heals the heart quicker

And if it does I want no part; I like being broken hearted

Because loneliness makes me see the beauty in where we started

How is it, no matter where I go, you seem to follow?

Catching me unexpected, memories hard to swallow

Smile etched upon your lips, behind it hides a frown

The same face that I make when whenever you come around

I’d rather feel awkward then feel alone

Remember the flowers when I left you when you were still at home?

Of course you do, they won’t let you forget

Real Emotion Grown Rapidly Earnest & True
                          regret.

Collapse.

The situation in which people are usually at their most attractive and interesting shortly before a total personality collapse.

- Douglas Coupland - Player One, Pg.221

Dancing with a Devil in a Tight Dress

Dancing with lust is like playing with fire
You will be burned alive by your own desire

Friendships Sink

I HATE YOU for being so charismatic
I HATE YOU for 'acting' genuine
I HATE YOU for disappearing when I needed you
AND
I HATE MYSELF for believing you actually cared

BUT maybe we aren't so different after all...

Confession #6

Old School.

I'd rather write on paper but then my words become more vulnerable.

boXed in.

I feel entrapped in, this world we are wrapped in
Placed in a box, I can't leave but they can enter
I can hear my inner voice clapping
While a chorus of boos is just my depression's reaction
To the positive fashion of which my ego has fastened
He envies my happiness, says it is not happening
But from nightmares I wake up to dreams
And from night terrors I wake up to screams
What does this all mean?
If life is but a dream, I'm on shits creek without a paddle
But I don't focus on energy on things beyond my control
I just keep moving forward, you just have to let them go
To all the friends I have lost, your true colors were starting to show
You can throw dirt on a diamond but in the right light it is gunna glow

high school party.

Buddha Speaks.

All that we are is the result of what we have thought. If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain follows him. If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him. -Buddha  

Missing Hearts

It's hard to find the pulse of a heartbeat when your whole heart is missing.
You have wholeheartedly searched for it many times in the faces of possible flames that were always quickly extinguished without hesitation.
While you enjoy playing with fire, no fires have set a blaze the candle inside your esophagus.
Her soft lips are the gateway to conversation and possibly a soft kiss.
She holds your heart in her palms halfheartedly and deservingly so.
You once broke into her heart even though she would have given you the key.
Then you made the mistake to run and leave like a coward; when your approval meant most.
To be fair, your judgment had been victim of gossip from the glossed lips of the guilty third parties in question.
To follow one's mind in area of affairs was an error when surely you must have known this was a matter of two hearts.
When two hearts break, tears leave the eyes of angelic faces.
When two hearts break, the stars are no longer in alignment.
When two hearts break, Cupid is responsible cleaning up the pieces.
When two hearts are truly meant to be side by side like a locket as one; they will continue looking for the missing half, even after the aftermath of love forced trauma.
Is it only after the heart breaks that then the heart is capable of finding another mate to mend it back together.

Drops like Stars

We plot, we plan, we assume things are going to go
A certain way and then they don’t and we find ourselves
In a new place, a place we haven’t been before, a place
We never would have imagined on our own,
And so it was difficult and unexpected and maybe even
Tragic and yet it opened us up and freed us to see
Things in a whole new way
Suffering does that—
It hurts,
But it also creates.
How many of the most significant moments in your
Life came not because it all went right, but because
It all fell apart?
It’s strange how there can be art in the agony…
-Rob Bell

Un-Thinkable

Young women making big mistakes, another unplanned baby
They out living wild, like most single ladies
But they are only 18, so they heed no consequence
And they are only 18, so no condoms meant
The summer spent indoors with no bikinis'
My mind is spent trying to make sense of all these things
Girl I could have married, the one up in my dreams?
No probably not, but she could have came close, doors close
Others open, but we don't always like we find, behind 
Girl let me ease your mind, unwind, like some cassette tapes
Was it really worth it? Tell me was the sex great?
I know no one's perfect and I would always text late
You sure came close, it's a shame we had never date
They got me on a guilt trip like I put you in this position
If I told you I had fallen for you would you ever listen?

Simple Life.

When ever did life become so simple?
Wondering about partying. 
Social scenes I was never in before I am starring in.
Hopeless scenes surrounding the lead actor as the film rolls.
The price we pay for happiness sometimes has it's grim toll.
And my thin soul, is etching out emotions as if were a pencil.
Numbness mutes the thought behind every detail.
My only escape can be purchased through every retail.
Searching for love, I only I mean well with every female.
I have never regretted anything I've done, just what I haven't.
And the faces reflecting in my eyes could be in beauty pageants.
But their looks are deceiving just like some mannequins.
Morality questions if I'll join the dark side like Anakin.
They tell me that I can't win.
I am my only friend.
Life is but a dream, when I wake up does it end?

Sadistik - Searching for Some Beautiful OFFICIAL VIDEO

My head aches, and feels the blunt vice grips
hanging over my tequila sunrises
Confide and write this to de-scribe a love life
that's feeling love lifeless
I'm the type that'll cherish frozen winters
stare at snowy blizzards and take it to heart
Then break it apart, I carry hopes and blisters
Cutting heart strings with a pair of broken scissors
I'm still trapped in a middle school slow dance
Stepping on toes in a mistletoe romance
Misanthrope, discomposed who holds hands
with grief...Kissing hope with no chance, but me
I'm just searching for some beautiful
a dream that I can catch And a person who's unusual
When I find her, I'll try to face the tide
Fight the hurricane, and tidal wave, goodbye…

And I watch all the spectrums of angels
Choking to death on the septums and halos
Bread crumbs and fables, why change?
I hang at the ends of the pay phone
With no change or number to reach
What blankets the sky I slumber beneath
Under the speech, this song's about hope, joy, love and defeat
All it takes is a peaceful autumn day
For you to be happy and me to call it fate
Even after a fucked up childhood, I'm still tryin'
To believe in God and grace

I try to get a piece of peace and sit and listen infinitely
Holdin onto benefits, and isnt it so innocent? We
Try to find another time and underline the cynical
Its pitiful we run and hide and undermind the innermost
When intervals of miserable will find a figure four
And force the phyiscal and inner soul to find a bitter form
And form another time and place where you can go and be so suitable
When all I wanna do is go and search for something beautiful, in me

I died once, and I knew that it was suitable
I died twice, and I sang it like a musical
I died again when I thought that the noose would hold
Everything I love in the search for some beautiful

I died once, and I knew that it was suitable
I died twice, and I sang it like a musical
I died again when I thought that the noose would hold
Everything I love in the search for some beautiful

beautiful face.

Who would have known such a beautiful face could cause such misery?
Memories, memories, surprised that you still remember me
No verbal communication but your eyes they say enough
Furtive lips frown through smiles, pain don't it let it show
Feelings found abandoned in the crevice of a broken heart
Planted like a seed as a reminder that love still exists
Somewhere inside behind a wall of security, insecurities
Temptations, lust, and lies
Life becomes so superficial
What ever happened to conversations about nothingness?
Remembering every detail, 
Phone rings,
Your voice,
Soothing, but I can't breathe well
Lone dreams,
Your face,
So sweet, but I can't sleep well
Who would have ever thought seeing you look so lovely would be hell?

Kansas City Robbery

"How are you?"-X
"Twenty"-Me
"I had a grand son that was 23. He was just shot and robbed in Kansas City. The thing is, he would still be alive if he hadn't decided to run his mouth"-X
"I'm sorry for your loss"-Me

controversial.

"I can be extreme and controversial, and if you're not doing that, what are you doing"-Diplo

Confession #5

She told me she loves me yesterday
I couldn't have taken it in a worser way

Power of Positive Thinking

"Your life is but a reflection of the predominance of your thoughts.”

I can't stress the truth in this seemly absurd idea.
The universe seems willing to grants you your wants and your misery.
This has been extremely prevalent in my life during the past week.
The key is focusing on what you desire,
Blocking out the seeds of doubt and negative thoughts.
If you let your mind trouble you, you will become more troubled.
But if you let your mind relieve your burdens, your luck will be doubled.

Room Full of Rumors

Wandering through a building full of rumors with no walls.

Hands in the shape of an M's & L's .

Ears burning from the deafening judgement.

Do you know what it's like to have been through hell?

The jury of peers piercing gaze ruptures his composure.

Has him off foot, stumbling for his words.

The truth is irrelevant. The audience wants a story.

The spotlight shines with the intensity of a lone moon .

Green stares followed by elevator handshakes.

Mean glares followed by marred remarks.

The truth is irrelevant. The audience wants a story.

Jealously is prevalent. Non fiction is boring.

Awaiting trial he sweats profusely as if a camel herder.

He has experienced mental anguish far beyond his years.

This 'crime' was merely a rebirth of life.

But, the stones shatter the mirrors of the accusers.

The audience wants a story.

Doing no wrong, he enters a guilty plea,

The judge knocks and agrees,

He is guilty.

The truth is irrelevant.

He is guilty.

The truth is irrelevant.

He is guilty.

The truth is irrelevant.

He is guilty, of being

ME

The Resistance

I live by some advice this girl Lissa told me
the other day Lissa told me she missed the old me
which made me question when I went missing
and when I start treating my friends different -DRAKE

Confession #4

Truthfully, I don't remember what color her eyes is

I believe they are brown, they same color my demise is

Confession #3

Truthfully I've never enjoyed the company of predicable people.
Maybe that is why I find myself alone.

Live in the Moment

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. -Buddha

Jonny Price – Love Don’t Cry (Skeletons Remix)

"If I could put you into little stars. I'd paint the sky with you." Jonny Price
The song’s instrumental is from The Yeah Yeah Yeah’s song “Skeletons.”

Confession #2

I think I might like this girl.

Enemy

Her Lips.

Taste of her lips still inside the pocket of my check

Hints of nicotine and saliva
Imprint of her fingertips on my torso
Her kisses embed in my lips as a signature
Porcelain skin with an angelic glow 
Written on her ribs in starless letters
"what you run away from, only stays with you longer"

Confession #1

Maybe I am too comfortable.

But I

Who you are now determines whom you will become.

But whom you become has no influence on who you are now.

Hey!

I got words I just haven't figured out how I want to word them yet....

Shadows

Mirror reflects distant strangers
I expect the latter would be used to anger
But the other perceives it as useless anger   
I use this anger and hold it, mold it
Into something beautiful
The wrath simmers like bacon on a stove top
Until the grease off the stove, pop! 


I'm told my soul ought to behave 
My shadow is off on it's own, a young rebel 
So when I go for a run it's ahead of me
He is imitating my persona
Together as one, but now he is there instead of me
The hijacking of identity, vehemently 
My featureless reflection guiding me into new directions 
So when he speaks there is no consequence
And when I speak there is no common sense
Shadows don't feel, they don't revel
Shadows merely act upon one's will
I've become a shadow, so I'm most real 
When my eyes hear R.E.M.
When I awake here we go again...

I Like

Passionate people.

Street Art.

see more here

L!ght Bulb

The lamp grew brighter
Only long enough to capture the viewers attention
As the lamp became dimmer
Inspiration fades
Covetously, the viewer waits
The lamp's light stays constant, taunting
The viewer waits
Glowing furiously the lamp laughs
Never changing
The viewer waits

Diet Coke.

Ambitious Girl

"I like the person that you are,
but I'm in love with the person that you have potential to be"-Wale

My Chain HEAVY.

AND...

It was all a dream.

Reflections

I am my own worst critic.

ATM

The Message- Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five

She

I wonder if she knows she admired.

Slow Motion

Living my life in a slow motion

Feeling like I show no emotion

Really life’s like big one cold ocean

Endless possibilities

You just gotta know someone

Ex friends jealous like I owe something 

Guess this is because I show nothing  

2 years so much change I hold nothing

2 peers I’m a shell of an old someone

Hell I’ve matured into a grown someone

I’m trying to live it up, thrown some fun

But there is never enough, confetti* 

And.

It starts with "Hello"
and ends without a "Goodbye".

Mayer Hawthorne - Just Ain't Gonna Work Out (Official Video)

BP Burns Turtles

Random Thoughts

Silence is golden. But my surroundings have left me broke.

Deaf ears shake in fear of a symphony of static noise.

I am on a journey to nowhere and content.

Numbers are evil.

The one with the most money has the most power.

Have you ever felt connected to another person? Like a soul connection.

You know that one person that will never leave the crevices in your mind, soul mate.

People have changed faces so rapidly in the past few years, I no longer feel.

Numbness.

Darkness.

Blackness.

Comfort.

Routine has rerouted the circuit breaker in my back.

Robotic.

Scripted.

Distance.

Hipsters

shouts Peach City

Obama Ready to Fight BP

  Obama wants to know"whose ass to kick" regarding the BP oil spill.

Bruised Thoughts

Living in the moment, will leave you jaded when you can't hold it
Picture it, when you have no pictures to touch and make reflections
Searching for souls with a handout reaching for that connection
Sleepless nights got me thinking about a lot about depression
Like what does it take for me to be content with every breathe
No more fantasizing about death, drive a car off a bridge
Never serious, though if you were ever there then you'd know just how it is
Grown but still as kids, heart know no misses, hands covered in blisters
Trying to tear these curtains into pieces, only to peer behind and find
The wizard of Oz is mirage, just false hope, time to realize
Only magic can be found in the man and the mirrors eyes
Or true love which in disguise will lead you to your demise
You can fall like some of the guys or begin your rise
You can fall
You can fall
Bruises and broken bones

You can fall

You can fall

But you'll never be alone

Theophilus London 'I Want You' (Official Music Video) directed by Vashtie

THEOPHILUS LONDON "I WANT YOU" (OFFICIAL VIDEO) dir. VASHTIE from va$htie on Vimeo.

Video premiere. 
via hiphop

Brandon Jennings x Gumby Collab

I used to love Gumby as a child.

A Beautiful Decay

A beautiful decay for what’s outside is a shell that I hide my insides

Living this hell I dwell on past life, I might as well I mean I’ve lived twice

Once in the physical once in the spiritual then rose like a phoenix

But with me stayed my residuals my issues that

Can’t be solved in one lifetime pitiful

But don’t pity me I pity ya’ll

Got two legs but can’t seem to crawl

Got two hands but can't seem to draw

Got two eyes but can't see at all

Technology

As life becomes more isolated and technology based
I am just trying to make hits to touch base 

Banksy Hit Boston

 This guy is notorious.

What Motivates us?

“Pay people enough to get the issue of money off the table”


shouts

Vampire Weekend - The Kids don't stand a chance (Miike Snow Remix)

The Tiger in the Woods

The Tiger in the Woods

5th Grade Came...

I miss my best friend from elementary school

We were joined at the hip until 4^th grade

That’s when I got glasses and girls became the cool thing

So I was replaced by the tall kid and a bunch of leeches

We still hung out my best friend and I

But we grew apart

5^th grade came we’d hang out after school but at school things changed

No longer first picked in football

Second to the dopey kid who was tall

Two years we didn’t share classes

Begged me to return to gifted my presence was immaculate

But I had no interest in added stress

I just sat in my normal class taking spelling test

End of the year party

I was invited but who wasn’t

End of the year field trip for the kids with orange belts

Wasn’t enough room for me in the hotel room

Without me budging in

I thought we’d be friends forever

Go to same university

Now you are in a universe without me

That university

I thought we’d be friends forever

This photograph won’t even last foreverI miss my best friend from elementary school

We were joined at the hip until 4^th grade

That’s when I got glasses and girls became the cool thing

So I was replaced by the tall kid and a bunch of leeches

We still hung out my best friend and I

But we grew apart

5^th grade came we’d hang out after school but at school things changed

No longer first picked in football

Second to the dopey kid who was tall

Two years we didn’t share classes

Begged me to return to gifted my presence was immaculate

But I had no interest in added stress

I just sat in my normal class taking spelling test

End of the year party

I was invited but who wasn’t

End of the year field trip for the kids with orange belts

Wasn’t enough room for me in the hotel room

Without me budging in

I thought we’d be friends forever

Go to same university

Now you are in a universe without me

That university

I thought we’d be friends forever

This photograph won’t even last forever

Sage Francis 'Best of Times'

What we Call Individual

what we call individual
is really just a collage
a bi-product of God-Jay Electronica

Raindrops

Awaken to raindrops on a sleepy window still
Wondering if sometimes God cries like a widow mourning still
Got my eyes hazed wondering if I'd woken up
Wonder how much could change if I had only spoken up

Shoulders work like coat hangers keep my clothing up
You can't control how people perceive you don't give a, hush
They will believe what they want no matter what you tell them
So I don't speak, actions echo like I am yelling

Looking to test new waters, Ferdinand Magellan
But this Columbus compass has me anchor sailing
They say the best discoveries are made by mistake
So I take the long way home, driving by the lake

Driving by her house, I'm driven by fate
I wish that we still did conversate
My life is marred by a series of wrong decisions
Feeling conned by fate, maybe I just never listened

Well now I'm all ears, patience has been purgatory
I've been locked in a room with my thoughts, sharing stories
Speaking to myself, body colliding with padded walls
Ball and chains make it to where I can't stand at all

HELLO

Hello, Mr. Government
There is blood in this covenant

Ironman 2

Photo

Awesome movie.

I Need to

Stop hanging out with my buddy Buddha.

Ben Harper - Amen Omen

What started as a whisper
Slowly turned in to a scream
Searching for an answer
Where the question is unseen
I don't know where you came from
And I dont know where you've gone
Old friends become old strangers
Between darkness and the door

Amen omen,will I see your face again?
Amen omen,can I find the place within
To live my life without you?

If I Died Tomorrow

If I died tomorrow

Waking up to just another day

Aches in my hands pop pills relieve pain

Turn on the light box half asleep in one sock

Trying to forget the tale last night’s dreams brought

If I died tomorrow

Would it be on my couch, overdose of medication

I thought it was one pill, not seven doused

Or would it be from an accidental mistake

Guardian angel overhead appeared but it was too late

If I died tomorrow

Would anyone show sorrow

Besides my mother who told me we are on time borrowed

Speaking in tongues Lord why did you take him

He was too young first and eldest son not even 21

If I died tomorrow

I’d have a lot of questions

Like did I take my own life as a result of depression

Did I suffer to the point of mercy

Why did God finally want to immerse me

If I died tomorrow

And the world stopped spinning

Would I then get your attention

Would you pause and pray for a minute

Or would you just forget him

In my final hours will lights flash

In my final hours will my night past

In my final hours will I turn into ash

In my final hours I won’t last

In my final hours will I transcend to the stars

In our final hours will they remember who we are

In our final hours will we regret all we have done

In my final hours I will have known I am one

If I died tomorrow

How would yall react

Would y'all paint the walls black

Grief and mourning the next morning

Tears drop from faces porcelain 

Like its storming through their cracked pupils

Emotions over take them like a hijacker

Feel the rush like a linebacker

Hold em back like cuticles, just hold em

 If I died tomorrow

Who anyone notice ? Would they believe that I wrote this

Would they see how I viewed the world as my opus

Or just forget yeah right live goes on

But this is the last you’ll hear from me 

If I died tomorrow